I’m a thinker.
Do a little too much of it at times.
A recent milestone birthday got me thinking about some of the major themes in my life, some of the ideals that have governed my decisions more often than not.
Lots of surprises, challenges, and mistakes. And a number of choices that have proven beneficial in most situations—even when implemented unintentionally.
Below, you will find four axioms, all of which have played recurring roles in my story throughout the years.
None of these require any money or special skill unattainable by the average person. Some stomach for risk, yes—nothing that would jeopardize your freedom or (physical) well-being, though.
(You would never catch me bungee jumping, unless I’ve found my way onto a game show. )
Start challenging preconceived narratives and you never know where you will end up.
1) You decide what you want to be
Unless you believe in reincarnation, you only get to run this (earthly) life once.
Don’t let others define your present and future. You can go after what you want (more on that later) and become what you want to be.
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Now, you do not get to redefine reality.
Environmental factors matter and you have to put the work in. You can’t show up to the game, tell everyone you want more playing time, flub opportunities when the team needs you the most, and then whine when others don’t want to give you more chances in the spotlight.
And you still need self-awareness, an increasingly-rare attribute nowadays.
But as long as you’re alive, you are the author of your story.
2) Ask for what you want
This is a corollary to #1 and remains one of my guiding mantras.
I’ve got a couple of friends who still remind me of instances where some of my past exploits and willingness to ask for what I want rubbed off on them.
You’d be surprised how often others are willing to accommodate your requests, especially when you are personable and considerate.
To be clear, this is not a justification for being selfish or inconsiderate in a bid to “get yours.”
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You can still be polite and thoughtful when you do this; you’re much more likely to get buy-in from others if you are, actually.
Understand what people want and make it easy for others to help you—two best practices for getting what you want.
That starts with being bold enough to ask for it.
You may not achieve all of your goals, but you give yourself a shot if you’re willing to throw your hat in the ring.
3) Triage ruthlessly
Behavioral Economics—the branch of Economics that examines how we relate to our environments—was one of my favorite subjects in college.
I’ve been studying that discipline—and putting those tools to work—for two decades.
Our worlds are governed by trade-offs; limited resources means accepting the nature of choices.
Your life isn’t a Disney movie—you cannot have it all.
If you want to become a more explosive athlete or just lose weight, cutting out foods that contain wheat, barley, or rye will do wonders for you.
Even “health” foods like wheat bread: Start limiting your intake and see if you don’t start moving better and looking leaner.
Are you a career woman who focuses on her work—above all else—while looking to get married and/or have kids?
Without getting too far into the weeds, that occupation with your “occupation” may be getting in the way of some of your relationship goals.
Don’t cancel me for saying that—the statistics bear it out.
And that makes sense, really. If you’re devoting the lion’s share of your time and attention to your career, is it unreasonable to suspect that other areas of your life might take a hit because of that?
(The “he doesn’t spend enough time with me or the kids” refrain can be heard from many wives of men glued to their careers, too.)
LIfe isn’t fair—most of us (should) know that by now.
You are much more likely to decide what you want—and accomplish goals related to that—when you focus your energy and resources on what matters most to you.
We choose the behaviors; we choose the consequences.
Less is more.
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4)Quiet Time – Get More of It
Not consuming enough food or water? Hunger pangs or thirst will clue you in fast enough.
But we’ve learned to mute other indicators that something isn’t right with other parts of our existence.
Periods of silence—alone time with our thoughts—are useful for identifying areas for improvement. It’s a wellness check-up that requires no money and can help uncover the root of nagging issues.
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The only cost? The willingness to be uncomfortable.
When you’re sitting there, without anything else to distract you, you get to thinking about whether certain relationships, obligations, and other recipients of your time are worth your while.
We get to thinking: “Is this all life was meant to be?”
And some questions, we just don’t want to ask ourselves—never know what kind of internal unrest may follow that.
That’s one reason most of us are so uncomfortable with true silence. Turn on music, YouTube, television—whatever we need to keep our mind occupied.
Rarely do we spend time thinking about our thinking (metacognition) and initiating self-evaluation; that’s usually inspired by some life milestone (birthday?) or did-not-see-that-coming public event.
(How many times does the passing of a celebrity or family member inspire temporary change? Kobe Bryant? MIchael Jackson?)
Intentional quiet time is scarce, especially with time commitments that come with jobs, #career, family life, or whatever activities you’ve placed on your plate.
Carving out time for silence will help you with hearing God’s direction for your life as well. Giving Him a clear window to tell you the first step to solving a challenge you are facing.
Finding regular times to embrace silence throughout your week will only add to your life.
At minimum, you will preserve the first canary in the coal mine that alerts you to looming threats to your quality of life.
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At any given second, you can decide to start swapping out pieces of your existence that aren’t cutting it for you.