For context, Samuel, the last of the famed judges and Israel’s spiritual leader, is in the process of anointing the nation’s next king. Its first king, Saul, has been found wanting and has fallen out of favor with God. God is reminding Samuel that his carnal perception of what he should be looking for may not align with what God knows is best. This verse is a metaphor for not letting our human senses deter us from investigating opportunities God might want for us. His ways and thinking are not our ways and thinking.
Recently, a friend asked me if I wanted to join his organized basketball team. We used to play a lot of basketball together.
Basketball remains one of my favorite sports, even though I rarely watch it. Countless games at Hofstra University growing up and nearby courts during the summers….pick-up games against students and townies while away at school; great memories.
Alas, I turned down his invitation flat.
Why not play?
Well, I’m insanely-competitive and I hate to lose. I haven’t played basketball with any regularity in over 15 years. And as bad it feels to be on the wrong end of a game, it’s even worse when I know I’ve let my teammates down with my performance.
I know what to do on the court, but because I’m so out of practice, it doesn’t translate to my play. I’m actually a more impactful athlete now than I was back then, but my handle, shot, and on-court confidence aren’t there.
And that’s expected if you devote no time to sharpening certain skills for years at a time. As long as I’m alive, there’s no skill I cannot build back. But I don’t have the desire to put the work in—other priorities (K.E. Consulting, family/friends/prospective partners, other sports, time with God) are receiving the attention I once gave to basketball.
Life is full of trade-offs and that’s a decision I’m comfortable with.
Ask me to play a game of football and there’s no hesitation; I’ll roll against anybody anywhere. Same with other activities that I participate in regularly or don’t require a steep reacclimation curve.
There was some element of protecting myself and ego that factored into turning down that basketball invitation. I may be passing up opportunities and experiences that would be useful in the present and future.
And that challenge—protecting yourself out of opportunities—is what inspired me to write this post.
As an introvert and someone intimately familiar with social anxiety, I’ve passed on countless invitations for gatherings, meetings, and events over the years.
Some of my previous entries examining the connection between mental health, risk, and reward:
Can You Ever Be Too Careful?: The Case for Calculated Aggression
The Power of “No”: The First Line of Defense for Safeguarding Your Mental Health
Just Say, “Yes”: 4 Reasons to Pull The Trigger (even when you don’t feel like it)
We see this refusal to engage in dating and the search for love, relationships, and marriage partners. Many are quick to ghost and end communication, in a bid to avoid getting hurt. The first hint of any red flag is enough to abandon the vetting process and cut bait.
The rush to judgment is something few of us are strangers to. I know I’ve been both a perpetrator and impactee; you probably have, too.
It’s that dread, fear, worry about getting hurt that leads people to jump the gun and eject from uncertain environments prematurely. We run back to our comfort zones without fully-investigating all of the players and ensuring that there is no route to success for their goal. They’re so focused on past memories of heartbreak and unmet expectations that they eschew opportunities to find love and happiness right in front of them.
Your senses can betray you, especially when they’re not calibrated with the right tools.
We’re staring at the giants—who may or may not be real—instead of the potential rewards to be gained if we’re willing to embrace the fire.
Not unlike the boy Samuel would discover that day in the 1 Samuel 16 verse above, the future hero who would hit the stage in one of the most famous tales ever told (1 Samuel 17).
The world can be a scary place, so we want to be judicious and exercise caution where appropriate. There is such a thing as being too careful, though, playing not to lose, instead of going for the win (whatever that represents for you).
Our lives are games, featuring a series of choices and unknowns.
You cannot lose if you don’t play.
But you will not win much, either.